Sunday, December 29, 2002

A Star Among the Silences, Rings

December, I’m dark
before dark, each day.
The brief tears sting
but clear my eyes
Please don’t tell me, don’t cry.

Lately I am tired of words,
worn out from all the living I do in them.
There are some things only the body can do.
The body only knows how to say what’s true.

But both are best, words and body, like
lying on the ground underneath the stars.

My only one, hold your radiance to me,
try to light me, carry me someplace
bright in my own body.
Do it with your body, its heat & its light, weight.
Love, illuminate.

Sunday, December 22, 2002

Darkness, Darkness

Everything is great, wonderful actually, and yet I am surrounded by darkness and hardly a soul is within touching distance. It is always like this for me at this time of year. Often I spend the hols crawling around on the floor crying. Then I go to a party. I expect it now. But it is still dreadful. Candles everywhere today.

Today I am making bath bombs, a Cheryl Wheeler tape for Deeb, and then some tea to drink while i sit with some of my old writing notebooks. Last night, on impulse, before the three parties I attended, I unboxed all my writing notebooks (since age 15) and all the journals of my adult life ( I'm on book 90 now, I think). I glanced through a few, and was amazed at how time itself revises memory. Also how confused I was during times when I wasn't doing what I wanted, what I should have been doing. Vicious cycle.

"I grow like a plant without remorse & without stupidity toward the hours loosened from the day pure & secure as a plant without crucifixion toward the hours loosened from night." — A. C├ęsaire

Friday, December 13, 2002

Sad news

I just got word that one of my favorite people in the world, and one of the most accomplished musicians I've ever known, Al Tinney, has passed away. Al Tinney played with Charlie Parker, Ruth Brown and other greats in New York City before returning to Buffalo to raise a family. I first met him when I was 12, at the Albright-Knox Art Gallery jazz series, where he played weekly with Emile Latimer, Sam Falzone, John Bacon, Jr., Carol McLaughlin and many others. Al was a funny, gentle, beautiful man who loved music, children, and hugs.

For the last few years, Al has been fighting emphysema. It broke my heart to see him carting around his oxygen tank and still smoking cigarettes. Please, don't smoke.

We love you, Al. Peace and Godspeed. You will be deeply, deeply missed.

Friday, December 06, 2002

What a Difference A Day Makes

Yesterday I thought maybe I could buy the house I've been eyeing in Allentown, the one with the yard and mother-in-law cottage. I thought maybe I'd kicked the cold which has been coming on all week. I thought maybe, well, all kinds of juicy collaborative things. It was a long cloudy day.

Today the sun is out, but I don't qualify for a mortgage because they don't believe in how well one can live on a part-time job plus freelance income. I have the significant sniffles, and feel sorta lonely.

But I do have Lemon Zinger tea and thai lemongrass chili noodles and Sudafed and work to do which is useful in the world. Blessings, all.

And I do love me some Marlys paper dolls!!

Thursday, December 05, 2002

Cold Turkey

I had the great privilege, and the best time, playing the 15th Annual John Lennon Tribute at Nietzsche's last night. The fun continues tonight, so don't miss it.

Joe Todaro and I sang "Two of Us" and "I'll be back". Most people know us as poets, so it is fun to surprise and, hopefully, entertain. We had great fun. It is our first musical outing in Buffalo together, though we did do Johnny Cash's "I've Been Everywhere" back in summer of 199 in San Francisco. Frankly, it's much more exciting to share a stage with many of Buffalo's incredibly talented musicians, including Michael Meldrum, Rick McGirr, Nelson Starr Greg Klyma, Mark Dixon and many others. As the song goes, we danced till a quarter to three...

...and slept till noon. There's more fun coming down the pike in the form of a visit from one of my favorite people, Cliff Eberhardt.

Sunday, December 01, 2002

The First Snow

No, not really the first snow, but the first proper snow, and the Bills game was amazing too--great satisfaction to watch the Miami Dolphins shiver, clutch--and it is so quiet tonight now, only 7 pm, plenty of time to let the dog out to play and to heat some warm wine.....

Between the time I went to play darts and now, 3 inches fell....

Mariah was like, wow, for me?

Terrible, lovely driving home with the radio on, so slow....