Your Rights and You

I found this in Ro's journal and it seemed to be relevant to so many lives, I thought I'd post it here.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE ASSERTIVE

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR, THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS. You are the ultimate judge of yourself. Without being the ultimate judge of our own behavior, we're powerless to control our own lives. Others control us with all the rules and "shoulds" -- the proscriptions and prescriptions. Morals are arbitrary rules people adopt to use in judging behavior. There is no absolute "right" and "wrong" moral way to behave. There are only "norms" and the personal ways each of us chooses to behave, which enrich or befoul our lives.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO OFFER NO REASONS OR EXCUSES TO JUSTIFY YOUR BEHAVIOR.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE WHETHER YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR FINDING SOLUTIONS TO OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS. We really do not have the ability to create mental stability, well being, or happiness for someone else. Each of us must come to terms with the problems of living by learning to cope on our own. We can give advice, counsel, or just listen non-judgmentally, but people with problems have the responsibility to solve them for themselves; we cannot do it for them. Happiness comes from within each of us.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE YOUR MIND. Our interests change with conditions and the passage of time. We have choices; we grow. To be in touch with reality, to promote our own well being and happiness, we have to accept change. Changing our minds is healthy and normal.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE MISTAKES (AND BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM). None of us is perfect. Making errors and being responsible for them is the reality of being human. Errors are simply that- errors. We are being manipulated if we allow someone to make us feel in the wrong when we goof. Once a mistake is made, we can learn from it--but it's done. It's over. It's in the past. There's nothing we can do to "undo" it. Admit it, learn from it, and then forget it.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY "I DON'T KNOW."

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE INDEPENDENT OF THE GOODWILL OF OTHERS BEFORE COPING WITH THEM. No matter what you do or I do, someone is not going to like it. If you assume that you have to have everyone's good will before acting, you leave yourself open to be manipulated. Spouses often remove their goodwill when there is conflict. This temporary lack of goodwill is manipulative and does not mean necessarily that the marriage is on the rocks. You do not need the goodwill of others to deal with them effectively.

YOU WILL NEVER BE LOVED IF YOU CAN'T RISK BEING DISLIKED. People only remove goodwill toward you when there's a payoff to them for doing so: when you don't respond, they have lost their power over you.